The university president set the microphone down and dismissed the students from chapel. As everyone hurried off to class, I sat there quietly. Frowning. Disgruntled. Staring at my shoes.
You know why? Because I knew, in my international experiences, it wasn't true.
The funds don't always come in. Sometimes, you're left floundering for cash.
Worst of all, God is distant and doesn't seem to be interested.
What do I do when God doesn't provide?
I did it. I went to Africa. Everyone told me the money would pour in and I didn't need to worry about it. "You'll be amazed at how God provides!" Everyone told me to be confident. So I was. But, almost a year later, I still was unable to raise all the money I was supposed to pay.
Then I did it again. I applied to go to the Middle East. Got accepted. Trusted God to come through to raise funds for an internship I know I was supposed to accept. The chance to work with Muslims hits such a strong chord in my heart.
Did God come through? No. Not yet.
In fact, I got contacted by the organization from last summer reminding me I still owed them money.
Two weeks before my first fundraising deadline for Iraq.
"Pray as big as your Dad" says Mark Driscoll. But does that mean that God will give everything I want? Of course not. But I'd think that He would provide for those who seek to go to the most dangerous places on earth for the sake of the gospel.
There are a lot of reasons why God doesn't provide.
To build faith in the divine. To build dependance on the miraculous.
And sometimes, for reasons that make no sense and are never revealed.
Guess what? That's how this post ends.
That's where I'm at right now. Trusting that Iraq is where I'm supposed to be.
Trying to fundraise, but not knowing how the funds will come.
That's it. He is faithful.
Worthy is the Lamb.
Amen.
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