Personal Reflection

"I'm never going to heal from this."

There are some things in life that we don't know what to do with. We're torn within ourselves. Half of us is ready to forget the past and move on. The other half of us wants to wait for restoration. Meanwhile, both halves want to know just which of those options are supposed to be acted upon.

This is summed up in Paulo Coelho's now-famous quote: "Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering." The Brazilian author nailed it on the head. Often we find ourselves not sure whether we are supposed to forget the people from our past, or wait for them to return.

And even more often, we're not sure which option we even want.

Anyone that has been following me in the past two months via the social network knows that I'm coming out of a long-term relationship that suddenly screeched to a halt. It's been like going through hell not being able to talk to my close friend, whom I had talked to every day for a year and a half. But you know what they say about going through hell.

Keep going.

But that's the problem, I guess. Right now, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Part of me wants to forget everything about this person. I suppose that's why every last freaking memory of her is shoved in the top of my dresser drawer. But as far as the rest of me...most of me, even?

Most of me wants to wait for her to come back.

I don't know if they will. I don't know if they still care. I sent an email on Sunday afternoon, trying to lay out  the places I went wrong, and how I have been growing in God's grace and maturity...some incredible steps, though it is a lifelong process. Yet it is so hard to wait for a response...to wait to see if I'm supposed to forget her or wait for her. And the bigger problem is that, no matter the response, I'll still not be sure what to do.Why not?

Because, as much as we've both been hurt...I still love her.

And love never fails.